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This site was created February 16, 1997
It was last updated April 16, 2001

POLITICALLY INCORRECT

There are more PI appearances. I still need to post those. This is Rachael's first appearance on Politically Incorrect on March 5, 1999

TRANSCRIPT:

Bill: You watched the Barbara Walters interview. You bought the book, but now after more than a year, we may  have finally seen the last of Monica Lewinsky. That's why all our Clinton scandal merchandise must go.

  [ Laughter - Applause ]

  I mean -- What are the chances the president will screw up
  again?

  [ Laughter ]

We're overstocked, and this is your chance to take advantage of  us like a passed out co-ed. Why not blow your wad on great Clinton scandal keepsakes like  these dolls from the Jane Doe collection? They're all here, including Gennifer Flowers, the one who started it all.

  [ Cheers and applause ]

  Not our prettiest doll, but very cheap.

  [ Laughter ]

  Kathleen Willey, don't wait until her husband dies to get your hands on this baby.

  [ Laughter ]

  Doesn't she just look joyful and flustered. Monica Lewinsky, pound for pound, our best value.

  [ Laughter ]

  This portly pepper pot comes in her own blue dress, so you don't have to. And remember --

  [ Cheers and applause ]

  The whole collection. And remember, if you're not completely satisfied, it's not technically sex.

  [ Laughter ]

  Also, you get Paula Jones -- This one is so life --

  [ Laughter ]

  This one is so life-like, I guarantee you'll end up showing it your penis.

  [ Laughter ]

 Send no money. We'll sue you later. Also, Susan McDougal, her jumpsuit also fits the Unabomber. This doll is extra valuable, because it doesn't talk. Also, we have Elizabeth Grace Warden. Here she comes, Miss America. She's a former Miss America and posed nude for "Playboy." I may keep this one for myself. Anyway --

  [ Laughter ]

 We also have the Republican pundit. She comes with a degree from Dartmouth and an opinion of  Ronald Reagan that borders on idolatry. While she never technically had sex with Clinton, she is living off it. Also, Juanita Broaddrick, the newest addition to our Clinton  collection. This former Jane Doe number five, comes with torn pantyhose and a swollen lip.

  [ Laughter and applause ]

  Her mouth -- Her mouth says, "let's talk about nursing homes," but her eyes say, "give me the rough stuff."

  [ Laughter ]

  Also, we have Scary Spice. How did she get in here? Get out of there.

  [ Laughter ]

  Plus, if you order now, you'll get this fine set of Bubba Babies, these fine -- these fine porcelain replicas of the illegitimate baby Clinton conceived with a black prostitute in the bushes while jogging near his mom's house.

  [ Laughter ]

  Like the president, our artisans sweated over these pieces. Order now and we'll send you the knife Linda Tripp used to stab
  Monica Lewinsky in the back.

  [ Laughter ]

  And you know it's still authentic, because it still has the fudge right on it. The first 50 callers will also receive a limited edition hand-painted Hillary Clinton snack bowl, perfect for holding your nuts.

  [ Laughter ]

  And remember, if for any reason you're not satisfied with these products, Betty Currie will personally come to your house and take them back.

  Announcer: Ladies and gentlemen, the star of "Politically Incorrect" -- Bill Maher!

  [ Applause ]

  Bill's guests tonight --

    Panel Discussion

  Bill: Well, let's bring out our panel nevertheless. He's the co-host of "Loveline," answers all my questions after the show and the co-author of "The Dr. Drew and Adam book," Dr. Drew Pinsky, ladies and gentlemen.

  [ Applause ]

  How are you, doc?

  Drew: Good to see you.

  Bill: Good to see you. She is an extremely outspoken activist and entertainer. And her CD is called "Lakita." Lakita Garth.

  [ Applause ]

  Hey, you.

  Lakita: Good job last Friday.

  Bill: Thank you, thank you. She is the star of the big hit movie "She's All That." And her next one is "The Hi-line," Rachel Leigh Cook.

  [ Applause ]

  Right over here. Hey you, Rachel Leigh Cook. Nice to meet you. He's a "Saturday Night Live" veteran whose films include
  "Demolition Man" and "Knock Off," Rob Schneider.

  [ Applause ]

  Rob: These are the instructions for your Bonsai tree.

  Bill: The instructions for my Bonsai tree. It says "Kill yourself."

  [ Laughter ]

  Anyway, it is a Bonsai tree. Thank you. Rob always gives me something when he comes on the show. And that's why he's on the show frequently.

  [ Laughter ]

  Rob: Great to be here.

  Bill: Well, I'm so glad we don't have to talk about Monica  Lewinsky tonight. I have officially proclaimed that is over. So we're going to go on to real life, real folks and real issues. Now, here's a good one for Friday night. In North Carolina, they have a law that they passed that says if  you are flunking in school, you can't drive. They will take your driver's license.
Isn't --

  [ Scattered laughter ]

  I know. Listen to that, from people who -- and this could affect 46,000 teenagers. Now, of course, they still let them drive to part-time jobs, emergencies or, of course, drive-bys.

  [ Laughter ]

  But generally, what do you think of that, that they can yank your license?

  Drew: Look, it's a little aggressive. But in fact, if you want to change someone's behavior, there is nothing more powerful than withdrawing a privilege, withdrawing something positive. Anybody that deals with kids on a regular basis knows that if you
want them to change their behaviors, you take away something they value, something they like.

Rob: In our culture, there's really no ritual for like manhood except your driver's license. So --

  [ Laughter ]

  Give me that thing!

  Drew: Well, there you go.

  Rachael: What if you have to drive to school?

  Drew: They let them do that.

  Rachael: Okay.

  Lakita: But my issue is --

  Bill: No, they wouldn't. No, no, they wouldn't. You cannot drive to school.

  Drew: Just work.

  Lakita: I think there's another example of the state intervening where the parents should really be the ones revoking the keys.
  And what other privilege are they going to revoke if we don't comply?

  Rob: I'm sorry. I misunderstood. I thought they were taking away their parents' license.

  [ Laughter ]

  Drew: That's a great idea. How about that?

  Lakita: No, the driver's license.

  Bill: No, it's the kids. You can drive at 16 in North Carolina.

  Rob: I thought it was harsh, but I was going to go with it.

  Rachael: That's too young to begin with.

  Drew: The problem is millions of Americans have abdicated their responsibility. They're not functioning as parents.

  Lakita: That's true.

  Drew: And something needs to step in to usurp that.

  Lakita: I agree. There's another way we can do that. We can actually make Drivers Ed an elective, that you can only
  take Driver's Ed if you have a certain GPA. And then --

  Rob: I thought Driver's Ed was an elective.

  [ Laughter ]

  Lakita: No, as a requirement to get in -- as a requirement to get  in, you have to have a certain GPA. And so therefore, there's something that they're working for, they're striving for. So therefore, their grades are going to come up.

  Rachael: No, no, no.

  Lakita: I just don't think the state can come in and start -- what else are they going to take away if we don't comply?

  Rob: I'm sorry?

  Rachael: Thank you. I'm 19. I have been driving for, let me see, almost two years now. I've been in about four accidents, albeit only one of them with a moving vehicle. But I pulled all "As". So what does that have to do with it?

  [ Scattered laughter ]

  Drew: Do you think any of your peers would respond if they were threatened with their license, or would they just blow it off?

  Rachael: Well, I don't know. I'd have to say, actually, maybe.

  Rob: Could you give me like some lead time when we leave here tonight?

  [ Laughter ]

  [ Applause ]

  Just ten, fifteen minutes --

  Bill: But you know, the argument really comes down to, the U.S. Department of Education is against this law because they said it  violates the kids' privacy rights.

  Drew: Their rights, yeah.

  Bill: And the other side says, "You know what? Kids don't have rights. They have privileges."

  Rob: No, you know, kids don't have those privacy rights. They have parents. My parents had access to like anything.
  They were just going -- I remember, if I argued with my mom about something, she would just drag me out. There's no privacy. I don't agree with that.

  [ Laughter ]

  Lakita: It kind of illustrates what Drew was talking about.

  Rob: I told to you clean your room now!

  Lakita: There's an abdication of parental responsibility.

  Bill: Too spineless.

  Rob: I'm sorry. I'm going to defend the parents here. They're working, they're busy.

  Lakita: You can never be too busy for your kids. That's the problem. Too busy for their kids.

  Rachael: Does anyone else think that 16 is too young to be driving?

  Bill: You know what?

  Rachael: 16-year-olds like everywhere hate me now.

  Bill: What is so important?

  Rob: I think 19 now is too young to be driving.

  [ Laughter ]

  Lakita: You're 19.

  Rachael: Right here, that was a little bit below the belt.

  Rob: You know what? That's what I love. You can't rent a car for six more years.

  [ Laughter ]

  It's not just 21 anymore.

  Rachael: Why would I want to drive a rental car?

  [ Laughter ]

  Bill: Because it's an ashtray. Anyway --

  [ Laughter ]

  Rob: I just like something that there's something that you can't do for six years. Now when you're 21, it's not enough. You have to wait four more years before you can rent a car.

  Bill: How about beepers? Why do kids need beepers and cell phones?

  Rachael: You can't have them in a lot of schools now.

  Bill: I know, but they have them. I mean, I remember when only a surgeon had a beeper.

  [ Laughter ]

  Unless you might be called into open-heart surgery, nothing else was that important. What is so important to a 16-year-old that couldn't wait until they're in a wash room?

  Rob: I know that conversation exists. They get beeped. And then they call and go, "hey, what are you doing?" "I don't know.
  What are you doing?" That's it.

  [ Laughter ]

  I've heard my nieces talk. They don't have conversations.

  Lakita: That's the extent of it. They need to be beeped to get their behind home and do what they're supposed to be doing. And I think we have our priorities out of whack. Parents aren't doing the job the state wants to do, because the parents aren't doing it.

  Rob: I agree, Lakita. Let's keep beepers for drug dealers.

  [ Laughter ]

  Bill: We have to take a commercial.

  Announcer: Join us Monday when our guests will be Dave Matthews, Elayne Boosler and Wayne Allyn Root.

  Bill: All right, we're talking about how far the government should stick their nose in your life. There's an issue in New York which is just about that. There's a porn convention that's coming into town called the -- it's called Erotic USA. Sounds like a theme park, doesn't it?

  [ Laughter ]

  It's coming to the Jacob Javits Center. It's supposed to draw 45,000 retailers who sell adult videos, sex toys, erotic lingerie.
  This is their business.

  Rob: How many days is this?

  [ Laughter ]

  Just asking.

  Bill: This runs for like four days. It's like a regular --

  Rob: Is that enough time to get it all in?

  [ Laughter ]

  Drew: It's such a big subject.

  Bill: It is.

  Rob: Seems rushed.

  [ Laughter ]

  Bill: And religious groups and the conservative party of New York are against this. They say that New York has made such great efforts, Giuliani, you know, with cleaning up the sex shops and the strip clubs.

  Rob: In a way, they've cleaned up. You know, I mean, they've cleaned up. They've removed the porn shops and the strip clubs and stuff, and they've replaced it with the All-Star Sports Cafe, Planet Hollywood and the Fashion Model Cafe.

  Bill: What's wrong with that?

  Rob: They're reforming one form of gross with another form of  gross.

  Bill: Right.

  [ Applause ]

  Drew: But what kind of community do you want to be living in?

  Bill: I want to be living in a free community.

  Drew: Absolutely.

  Bill: I want to be living in freedom.

  Drew: But part of my freedom is to be able to walk my kids down the street and not be concerned what they're going to see in the window.

  Rachael: Couldn't they move that to a little bit more of the outskirts of the city just a little bit? Couldn't they just relocate?

  Rob: But it's Broadway, people.

  [ Laughter ]

  Drew: It's a different issue how we use our publicly funded facilities, which is a separate issue. They're talking about restricting trade as opposed to not allowing certain kinds of communities to develop.

  Rob: I agree, but have you seen some of the people that Wayne Gretzky hangs out with recently?

  Drew: Yeah, but he's not a taxpayer.

  Lakita: I think there's two different views. I think most of us, at least the women can agree, that I think it's degrading, demeaning and disrespectful to women.

  Bill: No, women all don't agree on that.

  Lakita: Yeah, yeah.

  Bill: No, no, no.

  [ Cheers ]

  Lakita: Yes, it is.

  Bill: How many women enjoy pornography and don't feel it's
  degrading?

  [ Scattered applause ]

  Lakita: You have a lot of women -- wait, wait, wait. You have a lot of women who have like some very heavy hair above the lip. Those were not women clapping.

  Rob: Oh, come on!

  [ Laughter ]

  [ Scattered groans ]

  Lakita: Those were men applauding.

  Rob: There was one guy clapping.

  Lakita: There was one there.

  Rachael: The one up in row three's going a little Springer on you right now.

  [ Laughter ]

  Lakita: Those were guys. Those were guys. But hey, we live in a Jerry Springer world.

  Bill: Women were applauding, because you know what? You want to always legislate your own personal tastes. That's where we disagree.

  Lakita: No, I don't. I think it's degrading and demeaning. I think we can all pretty much --

  Rob: I think it can be degrading --

  Lakita: However, however, I think that we can -- however, I want to --

  Rob: I don't rent those tapes.

  Drew: He buys them.

  Lakita: You buy them.

  Rob: I buy them.

  [ Laughter ]

  I own them.

  Lakita: And we're going to see you at that convention.

  Rob: I want to only be embarrassed that one time. Otherwise if I do it twice, I have to return it.

  [ Laughter ]

  Drew: I think we've come a great distance in terms of -- listen. I think you'll agree with me on this.

  Lakita: Okay.

  Drew: We've come a great distance in terms of casting off repression of women. But we've done that at the same time as we've disempowered women. We've unleashed a tremendous amount of aggression against  women. And we've removed the one defense they have, which is modesty. We've confused modesty and repression.

  Bill: Who is this we, Doc? Who is this we?

  Lakita: And I must say that the greatest -- the greatest response to this have been women themselves.

  Bill: You were a ringleader, weren't you?

  Rob: It was a weak moment, and I went with it.

  [ Laughter ]

  I seconded it.

  Lakita: That's all right.

  Bill: I need to know who the we is, who did this? And so does Rachel Leigh Cook.

  Rachael: I just talked to my brother the other week. He's in high school. And he was just complaining about how many support groups there are that he can't be a part of. Now, he was saying there's, you know, there's the women's group. And then there's the Asian-American students support group. And then there's the gay students. And then there's the, you know, the women with -- the students who have children. He says, "where is my support group?"

  Lakita: I think as far as women are concerned, I think the greatest adversaries of women have recently become women
  themselves.

  Drew: Yes, I agree.

  Lakita: In the sense that in their right to become and have equal status with men, they're actually wanting to do the degrading
  things that men want to do and want women to do. They've become the very things they despised. They're domineering, overbearing, bossy women.

  Bill: Oh, God, we wouldn't want one of those on the panel.

  [ Laughter ]

  [ Cheers and applause ]

  I can't think of any examples.

  Lakita: Those women are looking for the men that stand up, so stand up, Dr. Drew.

  Drew: I just totally agree with you. I completely agree that we've unleashed this aggression. But look at the cover of "Cosmo."
  They're teaching women to behave like men. It's disempowering women.

  Rob: What is the cover of "Cosmo," by the way?

  Bill: It's a girl with cleavage, as always. What has changed about that, except the year?

  Drew: But the point is that women need to be re-empowered. And it's not by acting like a man. Because men have a different biology. They have a different circumstance. They're gratified --

  Lakita: Who controls the sex in the relationship, Dr. Drew?

  Drew: Women. They're in control, they just need to understand that.

  Lakita: They understand that.

  Drew: They have absolute control. They are totally in control.

  Rob: Hey, guys, I don't mean to get back. But we were talking about porno here.

  [ Laughter ]

  Bill: We'll take a break and we'll get back.

  Bill: Wow. Okay, you're talking about women being empowered.

  Rob: Taking back the power.

  Bill: Okay, listen to this. In Moscow, Idaho --

  Lakita: Oh, Gosh.

  Bill: They have passed a law that says women can go topless in  town, because women thought it was --

  [ Applause ]

  Lakita: Again?

  Drew: Same guys.

  Bill: The women are applauding, right.

  Lakita: Same guys. Same guys.

  [ Laughter ]

  Bill: Because women felt it was unfair. Men can go around without a shirt on. And in the name of quality and all things being equal, they said,  "You know what? We should have this right as well."

  Rob: Here's what I have to say about Moscow, Idaho. Guys, you're halfway there.

  [ Laughter ]

  I think more legislation --

  Bill: Yes, young lady?

  Rachael: As someone from the Midwest, I can tell you, this is only going to be a problem four months out of the year.
  It's too darn cold to be walking around half-naked.

  [ Laughter ]

  Bill: But when it's cold, that would be especially good.

  [ Laughter ]

  Lakita: But you know, I think it's interesting how you never see men lobbying to be bottomless. I've never heard of anyone lobbying for there to be a bottomless ordinance in any town. Because the reality is that men would be very insecure if that
were to happen.

  Rob: Well, it's --

  Lakita: The women walk around without a shirt and they have their pants on.

  Bill: Hey, hey.

  Rob: It depends if it's warm or not.

  Lakita: What men have and what they think they have are two separate things.

  [ Laughter and applause ]

  So let's call a spade a spade.

  Bill: This law did not come from men, Miss Thang. This came from women.

  Lakita: From the very women that we just talked about. The very women we just talked about.

  Rachael: It's legal in Canada. I remember hearing about that in Toronto about two years ago.

  Bill: To be able to be topless for a woman?

  Rachael: Yeah.

  Lakita: New York. I heard that in New York, too.

  Drew: Again, to me, more of the same. It's this confusion between empowerment and repression. Sexual repression is over.
 These kids did not grow up in an age of sexual repression. They don't even know what the hell that is.

  Rachael: Whoa, whoa. I'm offended.

  Drew: Go ahead.

  Rachael: These kids? I was born a good year outside of the Reagan administration, I'll have you know.
  It's not fair. Do not generalize us that way. Is anyone with me?

  [ Cheers and applause ]

  Thank you.

  Drew: But by comparison to the Victorian types of attitudes that  were there, it just doesn't exist anymore. These are not the issues. These sorts of things that women are preoccupied --

  Lakita: It's not the Cleavers today.

  Rob: You know what? You guys, it could just be hot there.

  Lakita: In Idaho!?

  [ Laughter ]

  Rob: Oh, I guess that makes me a big jerk, I guess.

  Lakita: In Idaho.

  Rob: It's hot. And there's like, maybe, a little rash problem.

  Lakita: You're reaching.

  Drew: There's a great book out --

  Rob: Baby powder could be like $10,000 a jar. We don't know.

  Drew: A 24-year-old Williams graduate -- a woman wrote this book called "A Return to Modesty." I thought it was rather brilliant.

  Bill: Yeah, I saw the review of that. I thought it was a bunch of bull.

  [ Laughter ]

  Drew: You may not like it. You may think that. But again, young people are grappling with how to re-empower themselves.
  Because repression is not part of their reality.

  Bill: No, they're not. Older people are looking at them and wanting them to grapple with it that way. They're fine. You think she has a problem? No.

  Drew: No.

  Bill: She has a problem with other people talking about her life.

  Drew: Yes, I agree. We don't listen enough to them. Absolutely, I agree.

  Rachael: I have a problem with people generalizing everyone of  one generation to be, you know, of a certain set of beliefs, moral,  ethics, whatnot. You know, I think that's a form of discrimination.

  [ Applause ]

  Drew: Agreed.

  Lakita: I agree. However, there are some generalities that can be made.

  Rob: You guys, if it's all right, I'm going to take a nap for this part of it.

  [ Laughter ]

  Lakita: They just got --

  Rachael: Okay.

  Lakita: Just that very statement is very stereotypical of X. And the one that comes after X. I hear that all the time.

  Drew: X generation.

  Lakita: Generation X. Not sex, X. Generation X.

  [ Laughter ]

  Rob: I'm sorry. You had me, You lost me.

  [ Laughter ]

  Lakita: I had you for a second.

  Rob: What about Generation X?

  Bill: But you don't believe in sex before marriage, right?

  Lakita: No, I don't.

  Bill: Well, that's not very much mainstream.

  Lakita: No, it's not. It's not, but there are some certain generalizations that I have a  mind-set that's very typical of my generation. I happen to be outside, because I'm a proponent of abstinence. I believe in waiting until people get married to have sex.

  [ Applause ]

  Rob: Look, that sounds great.

  Lakita: And I live that. It's not the norm. It's not the norm for my peers.

  Drew: Rob, you and I had a conversation in the makeup booth.

  Rob: Yes.

  Drew: What was that conversation?

  Rob: That women have to train their men.

  Drew: Yes.

  Rob: Because it's up to guys. No, I agree with that.

  Drew: It's like a dog needs to be housebroken. A dog is much happier when you teach him to go outside.

  Bill: I so resent that idea that men are dogs who need to be trained.

  [ Cheers and applause ]

  Drew: It's the closest analogy I know. It really is. And we're happier when we are.

  Rachael: I would rather be with a guy who knew how to go outside --

  Drew: Than on the carpet. Oh, no.

  Lakita: Sit. Good boy.

  Bill: You sit. And don't go on this again.

  [ Laughter ]
 
 

  Rachael: Wouldn't, as a woman, you would want to be with a  man who knew to take himself outside, as it were?

  Drew: There's no such man.

  Rob: At a certain point, though, in the relationship, the guy does need to be -- I mean, I do.

  Drew: It's really about --

  Rob: I need to be brought in line.

  Rachael: Pick out your clothes for you.

  Drew: No, no, no. It's not about that.

  Bill: Obviously, a woman doesn't do that.

  [ Laughter ]

  Lakita: He was trying to be like me, but it just didn't happen.

  Bill: Doc, we'll come back to you. I have to take a break.

  Bill: All right, folks, we have the "Politically Incorrect" after party  Sunday, March 21st after the Oscars. We're going to be on Sunday. Can you believe that?

(provided by abc.com)
  Premiere: March 05, 1999 (USA)  

LINKS:

abc.com  (official site)
 

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